Not Marshall

check out that for gammy cover art. have yet to listen to Sucka Free, i think it's the third Nicki mixtape before she started getting properly big, stopped imitating Kim and starting hanging with Gucci Mane.. wither way should be interesting. Barbie World was HAWWT. Playtime's Over not so much to my taste, though this was mainly due to the constant interludes made by 'DJ Big Mike' and his collection of vocoders. oh god. but as to the songs, wow, i still think Nicki deserves to get big and be able to afford as many ass implants and disco trousers as she likes.

subject of music, i just downloaded a collection of Eminem instrumentals, with the aim of re-writing everything from a hysterical feminist perspective, and then, hopefully, messing around with it on Ableton. there will be samples of Christina Aguilera and the Spice Girls (he goes after both in early work). there will be digs at the Beasties. there might even be me trying to sound GANGSTA. who dares me to actually do it?



i'm getting really scared about this already- there are seemingly hundreds of ways to close a sale, all of them a little bit fake. i'm fortunate in that the product is genuinely great and people don't come to ouse of Fraser without being prepared to spend some money. but how many pots of Mica and Titanium Oxide colour pigment can a single person shift? we'll see. in the meantime i'm looking forward to having free reign on the sparkles..

ps. this is the way those mildly-irritating Heineken ads should look. though perhaps Ireland's crunk market isn't wide enough.

pps. world, this is officially my favourite music video. of all time. i am awe-struck. RESPECT.

post-p.p.s. is anyone else hitting that amazing Ikea sale? could use a wall desk, a six-euro lamp or two.

LAST. (an amendment)
OH MY GOD, i just wrote a fashwan post about how Tippi Hedren was a sub-influence in the Autumn collections. and now look at Tom Ford's amaaaaaaze-balls (yeah i said amazeballs) new eyewear campaign. beautiful. and sinister. and beaky. the prospect of being able to afford a pair of those thick black rounded frames is enough to make me sell a thousand Mineral Pots. i'll be keeping them in mind...


sell sell sell

'Mirabelle Buttersfield moved from Vermont hoping to begin her life. And now she is stranded in the vast openness of LA. She keeps working to make connections, but the pile of near misses is starting to overwhelm her. What Mirabelle needs is an omniscient voice to illuminate and spotlight her and to inform everyone that this one has value, this one standing behind the counter in the glove department and to find her counterpart and bring him to her.'
-from Steve Martin's 'Shopgirl'

tomorrow i begin till-training. its a little like house-training a pet, except you swap 'litter tray' for 'LCD touch screen'.
then dress me in black and teach me how to apply foundation with a brush, and i'm going to be a fully paid-up makeup counter girl. should be interesting de-orangifiying and blending in the tide-marks of the world.

more to come. maybe.


the mean reds

the strangest web pop-up ever?

long week no see, my dears. i've been busy, lots of rushing, interning (The Dubliner, lovesit), writing, hanging around halfpipes, party crashing, disco dancing, casual club-whore promotions work and eating other people's ricecakes.

in other words i've been keeping too busy to stop and think about it. and entirely on purpose. there is this underlying horror taking hold that i'm not in education anymore, that i'm expected, now, to educate myself. this might mean taking a little notebook everywhere i go (which i do anyhow, these days, in case of magazine Vox Pops and ideas for The Novel...). it might also mean i'll have the get up at 8am everyday for the rest of my life. there's a sense of the 'grind' about it all, right now. i want a slacker job, one that gives me time to make things and write and read purely for myself. unluckily no-one seems willing to pay for this kind of job, or at least, i've not tried hard enough one. if i want enough to move out, the aim within the next few months, then i am going to have to grind. Lil Wayne comes to mind, inevitably. hustle harder. yar.

Will wrote a really sad but lovely piece on his blog about something similar; if any of the errant Englings are reading this and haven't already clicked, CLICK IT. i'm not going to be anywhere near as eloquent; suffice to say i'm coming down. degrees are like ecstacy. they use up all your energy on a high you think is better than anything else out there, that draws you close to a group of like-minded people. you get so wound up in the circuit of it you lose track of everything outside. but really all you're getting is a kind of fruitless insanity (in our case, over Sophoclean tragedy rather than Deep House music...). you end up not chemically deficient, but lacking influences and 'real life' culture. you find yourself sapped-up and depressed, guilty over wasted time and how you have embarrassed yourself.

though thats kind of the point, right? Cambridge, and in particular English, exists essentially as a platform from which to be as poncy as you like, to pose and delude yourself, and essentially put off ever joining the real world. i tried my best to keep one foot in reality, with overpriced train trips to London and breaks in Ireland courtesy of Ryanair. but i'm as guilty of it as anyone. i miss the libraries, the shelter of old, beautiful buildings, the creepy handyman who always showed up to fix the radiator. next time i have that problem, i'll have to pay for said creepy handyman. i even miss Ramsey. not that i ever ate there, but the comfort that it was there if i ever needed deep-fried comfort, one day.

this would be an opportune point to post some cheesy graduation pictures. but my camera is upstairs and its 1.43am, and i'm too lazy. another time. it might be a bit too cheesy a move, anyhow (and i have a few ones of those late-night swimmers they might not forgive me for...). but for anyone from Cambridge- i should name all of you like Gayle Goh did, but i won't- i miss you all, and it feels like i'm missing a limb, or at least a medium-sized toe, not being there with you now.

no point hanging on to the past, though. if the come-down is one of resentment, that 'if we're so brilliant, why don't other people think it?', then we can blame only ourselves. getting in never really confirmed 'brilliance', any more than our savagely odd, arbitrary part 2 results did. it's up to us to prove it. and that's what makes the future so exciting.


the robe-ing room

this is redonk.
ways in which it is redonk:
1. yes its been a week, maybe two. dayum i need to write more, its just been exceptionally busy. fun things, family, theatre, the smell of bagels in the morning, parties, raves, raves in caves, sunburn, travelling, lots of Ryanair stress, and the true nightmare that is filling out all the forms and paying off bills and tracking down an ermine hood for my college GRADUATION..

2. its also redonk because, bloody hell, ITS MY GRADUATION. i'm old. i'm qualified (kind of..). I'M A GODDAMN DOCTOR OF JOURNALISM! (not really, though i did get a 2:1, with which i am fairly happy).

3. i'm going back to Ireland. to any English Englings reading this, know that i'l be back very soon, whether in a more long term capacity, or in a 'i'm just here for the weekend to visit Brick Lane and see Grace Jones' kind of way. but we shall be reunited. and not at that silly 'Mugdalenites' annual lunch. something better:)

4. the last but not least ridiculous thing is the ceremony itself. Dr Hughes, my DOS, last night described the ceremony as 'kinky'. i'm forced to agree:) you pull the head of the university's finger as he mutters something in Latin. four others do the same at the same time. then you receive a piece of paper with 'BA' written on it, but not the title or class of your degree.

all very quaint. but my main problem is the dress code. it is bakingly hot in Cambridge. baking, and we wear black and white and long sleeves and robes on top. and on top of the robes we wear the 'BA Hood'. the BA Hood is a coveted item and the subject of a university-wide scam; in the run-up to graduation, the four main university outfitters put it about that they have run out of hoods, in the hope that you'll invest in a £75 version out of sheer desperation. i must admit i nearly did. but then i heard about a last minute 'robeing room' in the Guild Hall, where you can go up to this embarrassing little confession booth, i mean concession booth, and two middle aged guys from Ede and Ravenscroft will good-naturedly take the piss out of you and charge £15 for a rental.

it was with great relief that i finally tracked down the ermine hood (actually made of synthetic fur. at least i don't graduate with the moral guilt of killing rodents..). but now there;'s the problem of how the hell do you actually wear it?? i've made a video to illustrate. there are several ways, i've discovered. none of them seem right.


anyways, to all my darling Englings, to everyone who has influenced me and helped me and even just met up with me once in a while for pizza and semi-obscene cartoon films about cats, THANK YOU. and good luck. and thank you. and i am certain, absolutely certain, that i'll be seeing you again very soon.

ps. a very detailed article on the perils of arranging academic hoods can be found here


the gingers claim a new one for the team

after that MIA video, it seemed the cause had suffered a blow from which they might never recover.
but now Rihanna has converted to the red side, proving that the cause of Toxic Ginger-ism transcends not only homogenized fashion standards, but race too! girl is from Barbados! she couldn't be further from pale'n'freckly! and the shaved-off sides. and the multiple micro-tattoos.

lovesit. though her outfit is looking a little bit, um, Night Porter for my liking, i love that Rihanna's music is so ridiculously mainstream, but that fashion-wise she's never afraid to push the envelope.

ps. oh and look! (in the other pictures its easier to see) she wearing the A-morir knuckle duster stud ring! got to make myself one of those soon..


a crafty update

my new one. joke.

i linketh to my projects:

hellzyes. its good to be back.